It's time to leave the house, and your child is refusing to put their shoes on.
It's a common frustration that can turn a simple task into a battle of wills.
But what if we told you there's a simple parenting tweak that could transform this scenario from a power struggle into a moment of cooperation?
Giving children a choice isn't just about respecting their autonomy – it's a surprisingly effective strategy that can make parenting easier and more peaceful for everyone!
The Importance Of Choice And Control In Early Childhood Development
Providing space for children to make their own decisions aligns with the EYFS framework’s emphasis on personal, social and emotional development. Here’s how…
Building Confidence
Giving children opportunities to have more control and make choices shows them that they are trusted and capable. It’s empowering! By setting out choices within limits, whether it's about food, toys, or activities, children are encouraged to try new things, practice getting things wrong and build a positive self-image.
Developing Agency
Autonomy and agency are highlighted in the EYFS as important developmental elements.
Given more choices to make, children learn to own their actions, see the consequences through and understand the impact they can have. Choice and control help children to become more independent and set them in good stead for the years to come.
Expressing Preferences
When children are allowed to make decisions, they feel empowered to talk about what they like - AND what they don’t. This boosts communication abilities and builds trust with the adults around them because their opinions aren’t silenced. Such a supportive environment enables children to build confidence and social awareness.
Practising Problem-Solving
Through choice-making, children must practice comparing outcomes and working out options to make decisions. These techniques help to develop critical thinking and enhance problem-solving skills, which are recognised as important in the EYFS.
Giving Children Choices: Practical Strategies
Providing choice is easy to introduce into everyday life.
We know what you’re thinking… Isn’t it going to make everything take longer?!
In short, no! It’s all about your approach. There’s no need to offer free choice or twenty different options. Unlimited choices can be pretty overwhelming for a small child. A simple ‘this’ or ‘that’ is enough to show your child that their opinion matters to you.
Here’s how it might look in practice. You want to give more autonomy around clothes and getting dressed in the morning. Instead of asking your child an open-ended question like, "What do you want to wear today?", try offering three or four outfits that are appropriate for them to choose from.
This method allows the child to make their own decisions, boosts independence, and maintains structure (and prevents you from leaving the house in a swimming costume on a winter day!).
By offering realistic choices within appropriate boundaries, we can still lead our children through the day while empowering them to express themselves and be heard.
Here are some further examples of where you can add choice and autonomy to different parts of the day;
Daily Routine
Some children can put up a fight when it comes to brushing their teeth. Try adding a choice, like ‘Would you like to brush your teeth before getting your shoes on or afterwards?’
Mealtimes
We all know food and drink can be cause for power struggles. What about asking your child what they would like, within a reasonable, healthy boundary? Something like… ‘Would you like grapes or strawberries with your lunch?’
Playtime
Children often don’t need help finding something to play with, but you can still add in choice-making as a positive interaction in activities they are already confident in doing. Or as a way to introduce new activities that they may be unsure about. ‘Would you like to build a tower or have a tea party?’, for example.
The Benefits of Letting Go: Allowing Freedom Within Limits
Allowing children to make mistakes and learn from natural consequences reinforces choice-making, enhances trust without shaming decisions and inspires independence.
When we talk about natural consequences, we mean things like your child…
- Choosing a new food but not enjoying it.
- Selecting an outfit that doesn’t match the weather.
- Spilling a drink whilst they pour it.
These outcomes have not been imposed by anyone. Natural consequences are simply what happens as a direct result of the child’s decision. Now, we’re not saying you should watch your child sweat it out in a winter coat on a scorching summer’s day, nor should you shame them for having made a ‘bad’ choice. All that’s needed is a gentle observation and suggestions for what might work better.
Allowing children to make choices brings about these small, simple happenings that are valuable learning opportunities for your child. Nurturing independence in this way reduces power struggles and tantrums, increases cooperation and enhances problem-solving skills.
Here are our three top tips for creating a safe and supportive environment where children can explore and learn…
Clear Boundaries
Children do better with structure because they know what to expect; day-to-day life is more predictable.
Praise And Empathy
Celebrate your child when they make a choice, even if it doesn’t work out how they intended. Focus on building them up and giving them confidence for next time.
Confidence Is Key
Knowing they are safe to make mistakes helps children remain calm when presented with future choices.
Building Confidence and Resilience Through Choice
When we aren’t given choice or control, we feel incapable and powerless over our lives.
By providing children with consistent opportunities to make decisions, they can develop a sense of agency and feel valued when their opinions are heard. Children who are used to being given choice-making opportunities are more likely to have a positive attitude when faced with new and unknown situations.
Let’s look at the long-term benefits of empowering children to take more control over their lives. Children who feel more in control of their lives are more likely to…
Be Self-Motivated
Practising independent learning sets good foundations for school and beyond.
Develop Critical Thinking Skills
Children who are used to choice-making get lots of practice weighing up options and outcomes and owning their actions.
Persevere With Joy
Being able to fail without shame, and without losing the trust of adults, creates a nurturing environment - one that helps children to become less fearful of failure.
Choice-Making Empowers Children
Giving children choices is a win-win for both parents and children.
By nurturing independence, encouraging decision-making, and allowing safe exploration, we're helping children develop the skills they need to feel confident as they navigate choices throughout their lives.
Hopes & Dreams is committed to empowering the children in our care to take ownership of their lives. One way we do that is through child-led play. You can read more about how we champion child-led play in this blog.
